what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
