My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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