dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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