I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
