Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize