do herpes really smell.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
