my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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