Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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