Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your penis caused this!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
