i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
