That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize