take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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