as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
