just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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