still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
