that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have already put on my inside pants.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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