I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
