Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
