Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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