I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
