and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
