your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
