how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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