remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
