My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize