I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
