Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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