god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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