oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
