i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
