you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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