the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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