I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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