I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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