She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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