I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got chris browned last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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