insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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