so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
