You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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