Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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