His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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