i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
