shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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