Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
