I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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