I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
