I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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