Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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