Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
