I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
