Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
