Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
