You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
God, I missed his penis.
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