I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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