i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
