remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
