Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
