i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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